Ever wondered why you are the way you are in relationships?
Rather that be slightly anxious or how your partner is very secure?
With all the theoretical frameworks to learn from and try to pinpoint our behavior, I particularly enjoy dissecting Attachment Theroy to look deeping in our background, childhood from infancy and tying it to our adult relationships now. I recently was honored to be featured on a podcast @meridian.counseling with Ms. Sandra Kushnir where I discuss Attachment and the connection to who we are today, our adult relationships with others around us and in our lives! Check the link below and let me know what you think!
Hope you enjoy!
J. Ann Clayton, LCSW
Finding Balance…? What does finding balance mean to you? As a therapist, I “preach” this in so many ways to my clients. But how do I find balance? Interesting enough I still struggle to do this at times. With a full time job, part-time jobs, different projects, health/fitness, what the HECK IS BALANCE?
If you had asked me 2 years ago, “How do you find balance?” I would of course give you some text book response along the lines of “Eating a balanced meal.” “Going to the gym.” “Running a marathon.” (I know, crazy). To my surprise I find myself soul searching and self-balancing easier the more I grow and implement the ways to balance in my life more often. So today, I attempt to break down what finding balance means to me.
Being aware of your stressors in your day-to-day demands is the first step in balancing. When we are more attuned to our expectations and what is realistically achievable to complete, we can easily take the steps in completing tasks and managing the wrenches thrown at us expectantly. This keeps us relatively clear of “clutter” in our brain that may cause anxiety and mood swings. Obviously, life isn’t perfect and at times we are faced with unexpected bumps in the road. So what happens when you fall “off-balance”? I believe that practicing what you enjoy most will keep you at a steady balance, neutral level. So what brings you joy? What is your “go-to” when you start to feel a little “off-balanced?” For example, if you know you enjoy yoga, why not make room for it more often to ensure you’re well balanced? We go to the dentist to check up on our teeth 2-3 times a year. But who checks on our mental well-being or assess for your balanced well-being? With the mental health stigma still being heavily criticized in the world, it’s up to us to educate one another how to self-check our mental state and stability; and one of those ways is Finding Balance.
Identifying what bring you JOY is an example to finding balance. Kind of like practicing healthy coping skills or hobbies. It may be unusual to ask yourself that question but it’s the biggest piece to mental health. It’s important to practice experiencing these joyful moments so we can easily stay on track with being Happy and well you know, Balanced. When we lack balance in our life, we tend to feed off and attract negativity. And the more our world is surrounded by negative energy, the easier you can attract it. I like to use the metaphor of Shooting Stars within our universe. If your universe is “Centered”, (aka balanced) we will be more attracted to the Positive/Neutral shooting stars that cross our paths. When our Universe is off-balanced and treading downward in the negative zone, we tend to easily attract only stars that are negative UNLESS we interact with only “pleasant” planets and starts to steer our universe to be better aligned with them to remain in a neutral positive balanced zone!!!
So to break it down,
Step 1: Identify your stressors. Plan/Prioritize what you can control and problem solve
Step 2: Identify your “Joy”
Step 3: When feeling off-balanced, practice interacting with only what’s going to find you balanced. When you feel negative energy, walk away.
So much easier said than done. Here are some of my pleasurable planets:
2. Healthy Eating Habits
6. Good sleep hygiene (at least 7+ hours/night)
It's important to align our energy to a neutral positive place to remained balanced